Monday, June 20, 2011

Questioning my abilities as a Mother

This is one of those topics that I figured was easier to write in a blog versus trying to talk about it out loud because its kind of hard to tell someone you think you suck as a parent. Thats the way I have been feeling lately. Let me start by saying I have a two year old and I know they call them the terrible twos for a reason, but I really swear my daughter is intentionally trying to get under my skin. She doesn't want to listen to anything I tell her and when she doesn't get her way she has major tantrums. I have tried time-out and spanking her butt , and nothing seems to work. I know parenting is suppose to be hard but it is even harder when your child is being no help. I have never been one to have much patience or any at all, but since my daughter was born that is something I have been working on a lot. I keep telling myself that she is just a kid and she doesn't understand what she is doing, but I know at this point that she understands somethings she does are just wrong. It's a tough stage, and I have been pushed way beyond my patience levels. It's a tough stage and I doubt my parenting skills more now than ever. I feel like a prisoner in my own home because I cant take her anywhere. She cant walk around in a store because she is constantly trying to pull and knock things over. She cant go into the cart because she is squirming and trying to climb out the whole time and as soon as i put her down she starts the tantrum. I feel like at this point I don't enjoy motherhood but I seem to stressed all the time. I feel like it is a chore, and I do it because I have to not because I want to. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter, but I am just at my wits end. The part the sucks the most is I feel that I don't have my friends to turn to because most of them are too busy trying to pressure me into having another baby to realize that I am struggling now. I have expressed multiple times that I have no desire to have another child anytime in the future if at all. I'm a military wife, a full time student and a full time mom. Why would I add another child into the mix if my plate is already overflowing. I just want to scream sometimes if you want someone to have a baby so much have another one yourself. I feel like if I want another it will be my husband and I's decision. I know it probably seems like I a rambling but I really just wanted to get this off my chest. So I hope you guys don't think I am a horrible person. If ya have any advice to help me get through this it is very much appreciated.